miles' newest poetry

Acorn

A french head
with a beret
small brain inside
squirrel scoots along
Uh-oh
by-bye world
Snap! Snap! Snap!
Munch! Munch! Munch!
MMMM!

Miles Hanson
12-21-09

miyo's obsessed with boobs

I was putting Miyo's boots on her, so I lifted her up and sat her on the freezer in the mud room. I was pushing her leg into the boot with the bottom of the boot on the center of my chest. She asks, "Why are you putting my boots on you boobs?" I told her it wasn't my boobs it was my chest (ladies, we all know it would hurt, so I wouldn't do this). Anyway, she continues, "You have boobs." And I said, "You have boobs too." (I don't KNOW why?) She totally got mad and said, "I don't have you boobs, my boobs are different, like my daddy's!"

miles is still hilarious

Yesterday, while walking towards my white van, I thought I read "car" written in the black salty crud us Minnesotans have on our cars all winter. I laughed, not really getting it, but remembering how fun it was to write on cars (don't let Hal (my dad) catch you).

Then I was waiting in the driveway this morning, with Murphy, for his bus to come. In Miles' hand is written, "Carter, I'm inside." I laughed so hard. It's hilarious to me that, 1. he thought Carter would look at the side of my vehicle for a message. 2. That Carter would notice it at all. And/or, 3. Maybe they actually planned it out, "I'll leave you a message on my mom's van..."

miles' poem

November

Frost stealthily
settles on the cold
November grass

Leaves cling onto
bare branches
as they plummet
to their death

Squirrels straddle
for hibernation

Lakes wait
to be hushed to sleep

Children brace themselves
for November
birds drift south
as the day creeps by

Earth
takes it final turn
as the day retires

my mom found this next to her love letters to my dad

what is butt dust? email from my sister keri

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad, 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget...
This particular Sunday sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'

Down with United-Shitty-Ass-Hospital!

United Hospital is terrible, don't go there if you live in the Mpls/St. Paul area. Gave birth to my first child there and couldn't walk afterwards, they sent me home w/o checking what was wrong (large football-sized cyst along with destroyed ovary removed 5 months later, at another hospital who found it). I was in constant pain and couldn't walk much/get out of bed/put right foot over side of tub w/o severe pain... for 5 months. Now they are telling me their diagnosis of a broken foot on Murphy (x-rays and all) is an insect bite (3 days later). But he's still limping. WTH?

PS: This is also the hospital where I went when bleeding occurred during my second pregnancy. The snotty-bitch check-in lady said, "I'm just letting you know, if you are miscarrying, we can't do anything about it." Then I went up to ask a question, and the guy in front of me at the counter was told, "Sir, move to the side, the woman behind you is hemorrhaging and gets priority care." Thanks for sharing my business with the world, Hagasaurus Rex. PS: I did miscarry, but not for 2 more days, and on that day after waiting 1 1/2 hours in the waiting room they found a heart beat. After they transferred me to the Birth Center, where healthy pregnant women were while I balled my head off. Then being wheeled back down to ER because they don't do miscarriages in the birthing center. Mistake after mistake, after mistake...